Care and Feeding of the Male Species
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Loading ...Shamelessly stolen from Y2kenya. Probably been seen a few other times too, but it’s still (somewhat) funny 
I have this friend that I’ve mentioned before on my blog. She’s very nice but has absolutely no clue when it comes to relationships and dating. Maybe it’s because she was married for 13 years, I don’t know. She has a hard time understanding why men treat her poorly so this is the advice I came up with. Some of these are things she is doing, and some of them are universal truths. Feel free to add your own in the comments section.
1. If a man tells you that he is not good at relationships - believe him. They don’t often offer up this information freely, so they usually mean it. If you don’t believe him at least trust his 2 ex wives.
2. When you meet a man who is ‘afraid’ of being in a relationship/in love/commitment it doesn’t make him some sort of mysterious enigma, it makes him a pussy. He is not the Rosetta stone of love for you to try to figure out. It is merely an excuse for him not to have to try too hard. If he makes it too hard to understand him - it’s probably not worth it. Run.
3. Don’t call him. Yes, just don’t. Sit on your hands if you have to, take the phone and put it in the trunk of your car, but do not call him. Even if you don’t have a life, pretend. If he has a problem with you having a life. Run.
4. Have a life. This should be self explanatory. This is not merely some ploy for you to land a man. It is a prerequisite for lasting happiness. You need to cease and desist the youcompleteme Jerry McGuire bullshit. If you are not complete on your own, go to therapy and figure out why.
5. Hot sex, at least 3 times a week. Yes, even if you don’t feel like it. You’ll have fun once you get started.
6. They will not notice, nor show any appreciation for you doing their laundry, cleaning their house, or watching their kids. In fact, they will begin to expect it and take it for granted. You will then end up mad and hurt. Practice Domestic Celibacy, no cooking until marriage. In fact, just lie and say you don’t know how to cook.
7. Go through your house and toss all the Cosmo’s, Elle’s and self help books. They cannot help you. In fact they help set up unrealistic expectations of what to expect from a relationship. Men are not that complicated. You sit around pondering your relationship, he sits around pondering his decision to draft Terrell Owens onto his fantasy football team. Deal with it.
8. You want to know if a man loves you? Look at how he acts. Does he remember little things that are important to you? Like what your favorite flower is, that you had a Jack Russell as a kid, that you love your mother but you always fight with her about that one thing. These are small ways of showing love and affection. They will not be perfect at it, no one is. You cannot demand how someone will love you, you have to accept how they do it.
9. Football, Baseball, Hockey, Basketball, Nascar, Golf, Hunting, Motorcycles, Cars. Just deal with it. Go take Yoga or a cooking class. It’s called having a life. You may not understand the fascination with watching a small white ball being hit down the fairway, but trust me, it’s a zen thing. Try not to understand grasshopper.
10. If you act like his mother he will begin to treat you like her. So a.) if your going to go that route make sure it’s with someone who loves his mom and doesn’t refer to her as “that bitch who cheated on my dad” and b.) Don’t treat a man like a child. True, they do stupid shit and we often wonder what their real mental age is. But bottom line, they’re grown ups. So it’s up to them to remember important stuff like your supposed to go to a barbecue at your sisters next weekend. Have a back up plan. If he forgets, take the hot new single guy from marketing. If you neglect to mention that said hot guy is gay…oh well. I guarantee he won’t forget shit anymore.
