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Loading ...Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I’ve read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I’ve noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists, or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. With that in mind, allow me to present…
The Top 100 Things I’d Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord
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You know, nothing pisses me off more than someone being a complete idiot about spelling and language. No, I’m not talking about swearing, but language in general. Yeah, you can call me ‘anal’, but god damnit, if you claim to know English, KNOW the fucking language! SPELL properly, use proper tense and term (ie: I is not eye, luv is not love, etc).
Grandpa John was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared. “Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success,” he cackled. “I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now.”
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The old Sioux chief sat in his reservation hut, smoking the ceremonial pipe, eyeing the two US government officials sent to interview him.
“Chief Two Eagles,” one official began, “you have observed the white man for many generations, you have seen his wars and his products, you have seen all his progress, and all his problems.”
The chief nodded. The official continued, “Considering recent events in New York, in your opinion, where has the white man gone wrong?”
The chief stared at the government officials and continued smoking his pipe for over a minute, and then calmly replied: “When white man found this land, Indians were running it. No taxes. No debt. No house payments. No Daycare. Plenty buffalo. Women did all the cooking. Medicine man free. Indian men hunted and fished all the time.”
The chief smiled, and added quietly, “White man dumb enough to think he could improve a system like that.
A duck hunter needed a new bird dog, so he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve the duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.
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The prospective son-in-law was asked by his girl friend’s father, “Son, can you support a family?”
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When I was a young minister, a funeral director asked me to hold a grave side service for a homeless man with no family or friends. The funeral was to be at a cemetery way out in the country. This was a new cemetery and this man was the first to be laid to rest there.
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My Aunt passed away this past January. Her bank billed her for February and March for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, but had now grown to somewhere around $60.00.
I am five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump.
Recently, after I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to the emergency room.
The ER nurse asked for my height and weight, and I responded in a serious tone, “Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds.”
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The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao-until
You bring fresh toner.
