Wolfstream

Election ‘08 - A week away?

Tom Whiting — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 09:49:59 +0000

So, we all know this one’s going to be a tough U.S. election, and if you haven’t voted (through mail), well, you should. If not by mail (not sure when your local deadline is), then get out there and stand in the poll lines. Why? Well, because if you DON’T, then you really give up your right to voice much of an opinion.

I’m not one of those guys that will say “Vote for this guy”, “Vote for that guy”, because, honestly, I feel this is something that needs to be a personal choice. Here’s a few things though that you may (or may not) already know, and my thoughts (which will reveal, of course, whom I’ve voted for):

Firstly, in the Pres. race, we’re left with two choices that really aren’t that good.

McCain:

Somewhat of a good choice, but he’s got a bad history of repeating the same old same old rhetoric, despite claiming he “wants change”.
A bit old for my taste (IIRC, I read he would be the oldest elected in the office, though that MAY be wrong, so don’t quote me), and Palin, I just don’t think could cover the office.
A bit more “trash talking” than I’d like, but maybe that’s just because there’s more trash to dig up.
Not too fond of the “Joe the Plumber” stunt

All in all McCain seems to have his head together, and be the more experienced and rounded out candidate for the job. However, he’s just too old and too ‘experienced’ for the job (at least that is my opinion)
Obama:

Can’t be trusted. He’s proved that many times, but recently by saying one thing re: campaign finances, then doing another
Very scary social ties. You can’t simply deny ties like that
MORE taxes? Yeah, that’s what this country needs. No matter how much a person earns, redistribution of wealth (read: read from rich, give to poor through welfare, etc) is NOT the solution to the problem
Completely inexperienced

All in all, Obama is a smooth talker, I’ll give him that, but he just doesn’t have what it takes to do the job. The man has already lied and proven he can’t be trusted, he’s promised to take money from those making more just so that those who don’t want to get a job can ‘bum’ for a while. Come on now, those people work their tail ends off for that money, there is absolutely no way you can justify taxing them more for “redistribution”.

Personally (and I’ve said this before), I think we’re screwed again this year, just like we were four years ago. Bush / Kerry was a joke, as is McCain/Obama. Either way we, as the people of the U.S. are taking it up the crapper because of politics, but at least with ONE we’re not going to be taking MORE of it (higher taxes, etc).

Do we WANT 4 more years of the same old same old attitude? No, but we have to understand that the problems facing us today, as a country, came about LONG before Bush came in, LONG before Clinton came in (though he did have a part in it), and show great lack of foresight on BOTH party’s administrations. The economy is screwed, and that COULD have been prevented when Clinton was in office, with a little bit of foresight (we’re a global market now and have been for YEARS, why was nothing done THEN about it?).

Personally, I say fire ‘em all. Trash both parties, abolish them both, and ban all current and previous (serving) members of both parties from serving ever again. Get new, fresh blood in there, who WILL listen to what their constituents want, and get rid of the party lines. THAT is what needs to happen. Of course, nobody’s got the balls to do it, so it won’t ever happen.

Taxes? Don’t make me laugh. The country collects more taxes than ever before, yet for some reason is in a pit of debt which just keeps getting deeper and deeper. Here’s a thought:

STOP KILLING PEOPLE IN IRAQ
STOP GIVING MONEY AWAY FOR HAVING BABIES
STOP GIVING GRANTS FOR STUPID, RIDICULOUS BS!
STOP PAYING ATTENTION TO LOBBYISTS

I won’t go into the rest of my political thoughts, though, it would actually do good for people to pay attention here, because if we DO keep going the way we’re going, we WILL end up more screwed than we already are!

That would conclude today’s political rant. Have a nice day, and please, for the love of God, go out there and vote next week if you haven’t done so already!

House VS. Cox? Which would win

Tom Whiting — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 01:20:35 +0000

Imagine if you will, one television show, with Dr’s. Gregory House and Perry Cox. Which would beat the other’s ass first? Which would be the more dominant character?

Just food for thought. Discuss away!

Tips on becoming a successful overlord

Tom Whiting — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 01:27:41 +0000

Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I’ve read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I’ve noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists, or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. With that in mind, allow me to present…
The Top 100 Things I’d Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

1.My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face concealing ones.
2.My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
3.My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell in my dungeon.
4.Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
5.The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragon of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
6.I will not gloat over my enemies predicament before killing them.
7.When I’ve captured my adversary and he says, “Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?” I’ll say, “No.” and shoot him. No, on second thought, I’ll shoot him and then say “No.”
8.After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks’ time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
9.I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled, “Danger: Don Not Push”. The big red button marked “Do Not Push” will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will clearly not be labelled as such.
10.I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum - a small hotel room well outside my border will work just as well.
11.I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
12.One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
13.All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least several round of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
14.The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
15.I will never employ any device with a digital count-down. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable. I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
16.I will never utter the sentence “But before I kill you, there’s just one thing I want to know.”
17.When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
18.I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would prove a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
19.I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero’s rugged countenance and she’d betray her own father.
20.Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it’s too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
21.I will hire a fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legion of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman foot soldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
22.No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
23.I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way — even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless — my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
24.I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strength and weaknesses. Even though this takes some fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line “No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!” (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
25.No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible spot.
26.No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive which is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bed chamber.
27.I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
28.My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
29.I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
30.All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
31.All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcements and/or romantic sub-plot for the hero or his side-kick.
32.I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
33.I won’t require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
34.I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
35.I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
36.I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
37.If my trusted lieutenant tell me my Legion of Terror is losing a battle, I will believe him.. After all, he’s my trusted lieutenant.
38.If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
39.If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.
40.I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable super-weapon, I will use it early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
41.Once my power is secure, I will destroy all of those pesky time travel devices.
42.When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys that happens to follow him around.
43.I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.
44.I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
45.I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him and say “And here is the price for failure.” then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.
46.If an advisor says to me “My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?”, I will reply “This.” and kill the advisor.
47.If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
48.I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.
49.If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all of my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
50.My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.
51.If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions of the beautiful princess’ cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people oriented position.
52.I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.
53.If the beautiful princess that I capture says “I’ll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!”, I will say “Oh well” and kill her.
54.I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.
55.The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legion of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
56.My Legion of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
57.Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owners manual.
58.If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
59.I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
60.My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: This also applies to passwords.
61.If my advisors ask “Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?” I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.
62.I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.
63.Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of this nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.
64.I will see a compentant psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be disadvantageous.
65.If I must have a computer system with publicly available terminals, the maps they display will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.
66.My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints and then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.
67.No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.
68.I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they’d better save my life again.
69.All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.
70.When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.
71.If I decide to test a lieutenant’s loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.
72.If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon, instead of using my unstoppable super weapon on them.
73.I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.
74.When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk “Project Overlord” and leave it lying on top of my desk.
75.I will instruct my Legion of Terror to attack the heroes en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
76.If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)
77.If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutenant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.
78.I will not tell my Legion of Terror “And he must be taken alive-” the command will be “And try to take him alive if it is reasonable practical.”
79.If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited edition commemorative coins.
80.If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.
81.If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
82.I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerously unbalanced structure.
83.If I’m eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.
84.I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.
85.I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. “Align the 12 stones of power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse.” Instead it will be more alone the lines of “Push the button/”
86.I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.
87.My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
88.If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to do the task again.
89.After I capture the hero’s super weapon, I will not disband legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.
90.I will not design my main control room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.
91.I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.
92.If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead, I will say that his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)
93.If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and the underling who failed or betrayed me, I will die first.
94.When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.
95.My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cell mate tells the guard it’s an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening the cell for a look.
96.My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.
97.My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unraveled.
98.If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However, if circumstances have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each other’ lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.
99.Any data files of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb.
100.Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free, unlimited internet access.

Computer Virus List

Tom Whiting — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 15:24:50 +0000

Watch out for these viruses. They could be very destructive to your computer:

Ellen Degeneres Virus - Your IBM suddenly claims it’s a MAC

Titanic Virus - Makes your whole computer go down

Disney Virus - Everything in the computer goes Goofy

Prozac Virus - Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn’t care

Woody Allen Virus - Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card

Paris Hilton Virus - Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop

Oprah Winfrey Virus - Your 200GB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80GB, and then slowly expands to 300GB

AT&T Virus - Every 3 minutes it tells you what a great service you are getting

MCI Virus - Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you’re paying too much for the AT&T Virus

Viagra Virus - Expands your hard drive while putting too much pressure on your zip

The Haves and the Have Not’s

Tom Whiting — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 01:01:12 +0000

You know, nothing pisses me off more than someone being a complete idiot about spelling and language. No, I’m not talking about swearing, but language in general. Yeah, you can call me ‘anal’, but god damnit, if you claim to know English, KNOW the fucking language! SPELL properly, use proper tense and term (ie: I is not eye, luv is not love, etc).

Here’s another one that people just fail to grasp, something that is common sense. You don’t NEED that ‘new coat’, you WANT that ‘new coat’. You don’t NEED that ‘new car’, you WANT that ‘new car’.

If you NEED something, you can not live without it whatsoever, it is a necessity, it can not be surivived with. Anything else is merely a ‘want’. Case in point:

I recently picked up a PS3. Now, I didn’t ‘need’ any games to go with them, but I ‘wanted’ them. Of course, I handle my own finances so I bought the damn games and accessories (about $300 worth).

The PS3 didn’t come with a remote for Blue Ray Playback. Now, I didn’t NEED one, but I picked one up from newegg , because I WANTED one (despite the fact that I have yet to get a BR disc, though more are on the way from blockbuster).

Language is key. It disgusts me to see individuals claiming to be ‘high school graduates’ that lack simple language and spelling education. There is absolutely no excuse for this whatsoever

PS3: Good? Bad? Ugly?

Tom Whiting — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 01:48:29 +0000

So, I finally gave in yesterday and picked up the 80GB PS3, the one that is a ‘bare’ system for $399. That’s the drive I was looking for and the price, so I was all giddy about picking it up.

Firstly, for all the playstation haters out there, go elsewhere. I dun wanna hear about how l33t your 360 is, take it and burn it (or wait for it to do that itself).

That said, a few observations so far.

Online gaming:
I haven’t really gotten into that at all, I mean, yeah, I WoW, but I don’t ‘group’, I can’t stand childish idiots, I love gaming, I love ONLINE gaming for ‘content updates’, butt that’s about it. Being forced (thanks EA) to save a score of my game online is just absolutely ridiculous.

Demos:
This part of the system I like. I mean, FINALLY I can download the game, test it out BEFORE I buy the damn thing and figure out it’s a POS I don’t want to pick up. I’ve already got a few added to the list that I want to pick up (the new Star Wars for one, the new NFS, Overlord), on top of the 6 (yes, you read it right, 6) I have already for the system.

I’ll say it again:
Demos are probably one of the BEST parts of this damn system, I LOVE them!

Titles:
So far, the system is behind, but from what I’ve seen, that won’t be the case for long. What do you expect though? M$ had the time advantage this time, Sony did last time, it’s only fair.
The titles they DO have out though are pretty damned good!

Hardware:
The hardware is ok, it’s nothing ‘fabulous’, but it’s better (by far) than a PS2. A few problems that I’ve noticed though, at least with the ps3.

There is no ‘eject’ button. yeah, I know that things can be ejected through the XMB, but sometimes software does not work damnit! Never, ever rely solely on software to get a ’stuck’ cd or dvd out!

Usability / Playability
One of the reasons I waited for the 80GB to drop in price was I’m looking to import my cd’s (or enough of ‘em to make the system “mine”, through playing audio, etc). Well, with 60+ cd’s imported, what sucks is that there IS no physical way to do ANYTHING else on the system. So, you’re stuck just letting the system rip the cd, which can take up to 5 minutes. Not really the most impressive way to do things. maybe I’ll find a better way to import music, like mp3’s? dunno yet.

I’ve also discovered a ‘content’ issue .
Let’s say you’re putting a disc in for the first time (NFS: Pro Street for example).
That disc will most likely be an OLD version of the game, requiring an update (In the case of NFS: Pro Street, a 800 meg update!)
While the system is ‘updating’ this, can something be done? Nope. It insists on taking priority, soooo, you’re again, screwed. Let’s just hope you’re not behind a dialup connection (hey, it happens, broadband aint everywhere!).
The same can be said for installing larger demos. Again, 3-5 minutes (sometimes longer), and you’re able to do nothing at all!

Now, I realize that the content updates and system itself are pretty ‘new’, and this isn’t supposed to be as “powerful” as the modern computer, butt hey, come on, Sony , give us a break!

I still love the system, the graphics are stunning, the audio, can’tt really tell (right now it’s piping through the TV till I get the optical audio cord this week), but it’s a GREAT system. There are just a few major software flaws for hardcore geeks!

A Healthy Life

Tom Whiting — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 06:00:14 +0000

Grandpa John was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared. “Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success,” he cackled. “I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now.”

The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime.

“Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk.”

Where We Went Wrong

Tom Whiting — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 06:00:24 +0000

The old Sioux chief sat in his reservation hut, smoking the ceremonial pipe, eyeing the two US government officials sent to interview him.

“Chief Two Eagles,” one official began, “you have observed the white man for many generations, you have seen his wars and his products, you have seen all his progress, and all his problems.”

The chief nodded. The official continued, “Considering recent events in New York, in your opinion, where has the white man gone wrong?”

The chief stared at the government officials and continued smoking his pipe for over a minute, and then calmly replied: “When white man found this land, Indians were running it. No taxes. No debt. No house payments. No Daycare. Plenty buffalo. Women did all the cooking. Medicine man free. Indian men hunted and fished all the time.”

The chief smiled, and added quietly, “White man dumb enough to think he could improve a system like that.

Unusual Dog

Tom Whiting — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 06:00:14 +0000

A duck hunter needed a new bird dog, so he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve the duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a true pessimist and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet.

The friend saw everything but didn’t say a single word. On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, “Did you notice anything funny about my new dog?” “I sure did,” responded his friend. “He can’t swim!”

Support a Family

Tom Whiting — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 06:00:40 +0000

The prospective son-in-law was asked by his girl friend’s father, “Son, can you support a family?”

“Well, no, sir,” he replied. “I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you have to fend for yourselves.”